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before i die
broadwayrberry
picture perfect memories, scattered all across the floor

Shake It Out

How can you have so much faith in me when I have none in myself?

Her words had been quiet, broken as she avoided eye contact with the boy — no, man — on the barstool in front her. She was like an abused animal now, pushed away one too many times, that she didn’t know how to handle it anymore. She didn’t have any faith in herself, and she felt broken, maybe even defective. Who was she to say she was going to amount to anything in life when she was sure that everything she had tried had failed? Crumbled through her fingers, or wafted through them like smoke? Rachel Barbra Berry, the one who signed her name with a gold star at the end would be the first to tell you that she never gave up, pushed through anything that was thrown her way. After all, she had dealt with bullying since middle school, this was no different. Except, she couldn’t imagine she was that same Rachel anymore. No, she wasn’t the same as she had been years ago. Not the same as she had been five years ago. Hell, she didn’t think she had been that since even before then, maybe since a few years before then. Now she was the girl who had gotten engaged at seventeen, to the boy she thought was the love of her life, because she thought she wasn’t going to be a finalist for the one school she had applied to. It was out of desperation, not out of love, like it should have been. But even more, she was the girl who blew her audition into that one school by choking on a song that she new forwards, backwards, upside down, right side up…inside and out. She’d been singing Don’t Rain On My Parade since the tender age of two, and she chocked on it.

“Because you’re Rachel Barbra Berry.” His words caused a soft scoff to escape her lips, but he shushed her when she opened her mouth to argue, claim that that wasn’t enough of a reason, not to have such blind faith in someone who couldn’t even land the lead in one of the many musicals she had been born to play in. “Because I used to think I had nothing in life, especially not after senior year…Not after everything that had happened then. There was only one reason that I think I managed to pull myself out of the slump I was in. One person who helped me through everything and cared much more than anyone else even bothered to.” Her eyes stayed adverted, downcast, but as soon as his thumb and forefinger hooked and caught her chin, she tilted her head back and up willingly, meeting gorgeous hazel eyes for what felt like the first time in a long time. “Because you had more faith in me than anyone else did, Rachel. You were the one person who gave enough of damn about me to care enough about whether or not I passed, and you always went on about how terrible my life would be if I didn’t at least graduate school. Turns out you were right. I pulled myself together, and did what I had to do to finish high school, because I knew you’d be disappointed in me if I didn’t.”

Brown eyes searched hazel ones, a million and one questions or comments swirling behind the irises. Something, whether it was the look in her eyes, or something else entirely caused Noah to lean forward and press a light kiss to her forehead, pulling away only enough to lean his own against hers and search his eyes like she had been just seconds before the tender contact. “I have so much faith in you because I know who you are. You just seem to have forgotten. All you need is a little nudge and reminder of the crazy and determined girl you used to be, the one who would never let anyone tell her no, especially not a casting director or anyone who would try to keep her from her Broadway dreams. I have so much faith in you, because you had so much in me, and look where I am today. I run my own successful bar. If I can do this, you can do anything, babe.”

She wasn’t sure if it was the words he spoke while looking into her eyes to make sure she understood him or the familiar nickname that brought tears to her eyes, but she didn’t even realize she had been crying until it had turned from a few tears to a full waterworks. Before she even conciously realized it, Rachel’s hands were covering her face, and her body being pulled into a much stronger frame, arms that certainly weren’t hers wrapping around her while a soothing voice murmured soothing and nonsensical words into her hair, one hand smoothing up and down her back while the other simply held her. She wasn’t even sure how they’d gone from sharing a drink together and catching up like old friends to this, but for once, she didn’t question it or try to cover up the fact that someone was seeing her at her weakest, her breaking point. Instead, she was actually grateful. For once, when she needed someone most, there was actually someone holding her, doing their best to comfort her, just letting her cry because she needed to instead of repeating the encouraging words of ‘You’ll find something that’s just what you need,’ or ‘Soon someone will want you just as much as you deserve. They’re idiots for not giving you the role.’ They were words she told herself often, and it seemed that everyone around her just repeated them back to her, just to make her feel okay. But maybe sometimes she just really needed to cry, to let all of her emotions out and just have someone hold her while she did.

“I feel like I can’t breathe,” she managed to gasp out somehow, not even surprised at his quiet “I know” right next to her ear. He wasn’t placating her, or agreeing just so she’d calm down and move on. No, he was agreeing with her because he knew exactly what she meant, if even from a different experience. She forced herself to somehow calm down enough to take deep breathes, her crying calming down just to the occasional sniffle when she pushed herself back, her eyes immediately finding the wet spot she had left against his shirt. “Oh, Noah…I’m sorry, I — the last thing I meant to do today was burden you with a crying girl, I’m sorry…”

His chuckle brought her eyes up from his shirt to his, her brows furrowing automatically a bit as he simply smiled at her. “Don’t sweat it, Berry. You needed that, and I’m just happy I could be the one to be here for your for once.” 

Rachel couldn’t help but let her own lips quick up in a small smile, even if it was still more saddened and watery than his was. She did feel a little better, she had to admit, even if she felt like she could burst into tears again at any given second. “You’re going to shake this off,” he continued, using one hand to wipe her wet cheeks, “You’re going to shake yourself out from this funk that you’re in, and you’re going to go out there and get what you deserve. You’re going to make Broadway your bitch like you always said you would, and I’m going to smile and tell you ‘I told you so’ when it happens, kid.” It’s completely irrational, but she thinks she might love him a bit more than she’s ever loved anyone, including the boy who had once been her fiance.

It would take a long while, she was sure, and it definitely wasn’t going to be easy, but with his faith in her, she could actually imagine herself on a Broadway stage as the lead, just like it should be. Maybe not as Maria, that role seemed almost tainted now, but as someone else. Belle, from Beauty and the Beast. Oh, he’d make a fantastic leading man for that story.

His offer for another drink brought her attention back into focus, and Rachel shook her head, a small smile on her face. This time it was slightly happier than that last one. “No thank you. I should be getting home actually. I have a show to resign from, and a Broadway empire to take over, after all.” She thinks she’d work harder than ever this time around just to see that smile cross his face again. Leaning forward, Rachel pressed her own lips against his cheek, the small stubble there rasping at her soft skin. “Thank you for believing in me.”

Rachel Berry in need of a Noah Puckerman!

Hi there! So I recently left a group due to not having anything to do with Rachel in it, but I honestly miss playing this character in this storyline. So! I’m looking to revive her, and preferably with a Noah Puckerman for a Puckleberry 1x1!

Interested? Read on:

Story: (Keep in mind I will be continuing my storyline for Rachel from my previous group, but it’s not so hard to catch up on.) Five years after graduation, just about all of the seniors and some of the Juniors found themselves in New York City, the concrete jungle where dreams were made of. Why? Well, they all had their different reasons. Jobs, love, a number of things. But in the case of some, such as one miss Rachel Berry, some where there to make it big. In fact, Rachel had been staring as Wendla in the new original play Spring Awakening both off and on Broadway for three years before moving onto something else. Despite what she had thought in high school and earlier years, however, taking over Broadway wasn’t as easy as she always imagined. No one feel to their knees at her feet, and she didn’t win over everyone like she always imagined she would. That’s what happened when she left Spring Awakening in favor of auditioning for the new revival of West Side Story. She had Maria in the bad, she honestly did, but the only thing she hadn’t counted on was the fact that her main competition had had a sexual relationship with the director in previous years.

Even though Maria should have been hers, Rachel was stuck being the understudy and part of the chorus, which Harmony shinned in the spot light every night. Even during times when Rachel had to take over for the younger girl, somehow Harmony was still the one who got the praise and everything. Finally, Harmony left the show, leaving Rachel the spot she had always wanted. The twist? Harmony left WSS to join as the new Wendla in Spring Awakening, the show Rachel had left previously. Unsure of how she felt over the whole situation, Rachel was left in the show feeling like she was unappreciated and second choice in everything. How couldn’t she? After all, despite the fact that she had to step in for Harmony numerous times, somehow it was the younger girl who always got the praise, and even now that she was gone, it felt like she was still getting the praise and recognition no matter what.

So. That’s basically where things left off with Rachel before I left the group. I have some ideas of how I’d like Puck to fit in, which will be bellow. They’re not set in stone, and they’re open to negotiation if interested!

Simple audition form:

Questions should be redirected to HERE, and the audition form sent HERE!

Rachel Berry in need of a Noah Puckerman!

Hi there! So I recently left a group due to not having anything to do with Rachel in it, but I honestly miss playing this character in this storyline. So! I’m looking to revive her, and preferably with a Noah Puckerman for a Puckleberry 1x1!

Interested? Read on:

Story: (Keep in mind I will be continuing my storyline for Rachel from my previous group, but it’s not so hard to catch up on.) Five years after graduation, just about all of the seniors and some of the Juniors found themselves in New York City, the concrete jungle where dreams were made of. Why? Well, they all had their different reasons. Jobs, love, a number of things. But in the case of some, such as one miss Rachel Berry, some where there to make it big. In fact, Rachel had been staring as Wendla in the new original play Spring Awakening both off and on Broadway for three years before moving onto something else. Despite what she had thought in high school and earlier years, however, taking over Broadway wasn’t as easy as she always imagined. No one feel to their knees at her feet, and she didn’t win over everyone like she always imagined she would. That’s what happened when she left Spring Awakening in favor of auditioning for the new revival of West Side Story. She had Maria in the bad, she honestly did, but the only thing she hadn’t counted on was the fact that her main competition had had a sexual relationship with the director in previous years.

Even though Maria should have been hers, Rachel was stuck being the understudy and part of the chorus, which Harmony shinned in the spot light every night. Even during times when Rachel had to take over for the younger girl, somehow Harmony was still the one who got the praise and everything. Finally, Harmony left the show, leaving Rachel the spot she had always wanted. The twist? Harmony left WSS to join as the new Wendla in Spring Awakening, the show Rachel had left previously. Unsure of how she felt over the whole situation, Rachel was left in the show feeling like she was unappreciated and second choice in everything. How couldn’t she? After all, despite the fact that she had to step in for Harmony numerous times, somehow it was the younger girl who always got the praise, and even now that she was gone, it felt like she was still getting the praise and recognition no matter what.

So. That’s basically where things left off with Rachel before I left the group. I have some ideas of how I’d like Puck to fit in, which will be bellow. They’re not set in stone, and they’re open to negotiation if interested!

Simple audition form:

Questions should be redirected to HERE, and the audition form sent HERE!

Rachel Berry seeks her Noah Puckerman!

Hi there! So I recently left a group due to not having anything to do with Rachel in it, but I honestly miss playing this character in this storyline. So! I’m looking to revive her, and preferably with a Noah Puckerman for a Puckleberry 1x1!

Interested? Read on:

Story: (Keep in mind I will be continuing my storyline for Rachel from my previous group, but it’s not so hard to catch up on.) Five years after graduation, just about all of the seniors and some of the Juniors found themselves in New York City, the concrete jungle where dreams were made of. Why? Well, they all had their different reasons. Jobs, love, a number of things. But in the case of some, such as one miss Rachel Berry, some where there to make it big. In fact, Rachel had been staring as Wendla in the new original play Spring Awakening both off and on Broadway for three years before moving onto something else. Despite what she had thought in high school and earlier years, however, taking over Broadway wasn’t as easy as she always imagined. No one feel to their knees at her feet, and she didn’t win over everyone like she always imagined she would. That’s what happened when she left Spring Awakening in favor of auditioning for the new revival of West Side Story. She had Maria in the bad, she honestly did, but the only thing she hadn’t counted on was the fact that her main competition had had a sexual relationship with the director in previous years.

Even though Maria should have been hers, Rachel was stuck being the understudy and part of the chorus, which Harmony shinned in the spot light every night. Even during times when Rachel had to take over for the younger girl, somehow Harmony was still the one who got the praise and everything. Finally, Harmony left the show, leaving Rachel the spot she had always wanted. The twist? Harmony left WSS to join as the new Wendla in Spring Awakening, the show Rachel had left previously. Unsure of how she felt over the whole situation, Rachel was left in the show feeling like she was unappreciated and second choice in everything. How couldn’t she? After all, despite the fact that she had to step in for Harmony numerous times, somehow it was the younger girl who always got the praise, and even now that she was gone, it felt like she was still getting the praise and recognition no matter what.

So. That’s basically where things left off with Rachel before I left the group. I have some ideas of how I’d like Puck to fit in, which will be bellow. They’re not set in stone, and they’re open to negotiation if interested!

Simple audition form:

Questions should be redirected to HERE, and the audition form sent HERE!

Rachel Berry’s looking for her badass sex shark!

Hi there! So I recently left a group due to not having anything to do with Rachel in it, but I honestly miss playing this character in this storyline. So! I’m looking to revive her, and preferably with a Noah Puckerman for a Puckleberry 1x1!

Interested? Read on:

Story: (Keep in mind I will be continuing my storyline for Rachel from my previous group, but it’s not so hard to catch up on.) Five years after graduation, just about all of the seniors and some of the Juniors found themselves in New York City, the concrete jungle where dreams were made of. Why? Well, they all had their different reasons. Jobs, love, a number of things. But in the case of some, such as one miss Rachel Berry, some where there to make it big. In fact, Rachel had been staring as Wendla in the new original play Spring Awakening both off and on Broadway for three years before moving onto something else. Despite what she had thought in high school and earlier years, however, taking over Broadway wasn’t as easy as she always imagined. No one feel to their knees at her feet, and she didn’t win over everyone like she always imagined she would. That’s what happened when she left Spring Awakening in favor of auditioning for the new revival of West Side Story. She had Maria in the bad, she honestly did, but the only thing she hadn’t counted on was the fact that her main competition had had a sexual relationship with the director in previous years.

Even though Maria should have been hers, Rachel was stuck being the understudy and part of the chorus, which Harmony shinned in the spot light every night. Even during times when Rachel had to take over for the younger girl, somehow Harmony was still the one who got the praise and everything. Finally, Harmony left the show, leaving Rachel the spot she had always wanted. The twist? Harmony left WSS to join as the new Wendla in Spring Awakening, the show Rachel had left previously. Unsure of how she felt over the whole situation, Rachel was left in the show feeling like she was unappreciated and second choice in everything. How couldn’t she? After all, despite the fact that she had to step in for Harmony numerous times, somehow it was the younger girl who always got the praise, and even now that she was gone, it felt like she was still getting the praise and recognition no matter what.

So. That’s basically where things left off with Rachel before I left the group. I have some ideas of how I’d like Puck to fit in, which will be bellow. They’re not set in stone, and they’re open to negotiation if interested!

Simple audition form:

Questions should be redirected to HERE, and the audition form sent HERE!

Noah Puckerman needed!

Hi there! So I recently left a group due to not having anything to do with Rachel in it, but I honestly miss playing this character in this storyline. So! I’m looking to revive her, and preferably with a Noah Puckerman for a Puckleberry 1x1!

Interested? Read on:

Story: (Keep in mind I will be continuing my storyline for Rachel from my previous group, but it’s not so hard to catch up on.) Five years after graduation, just about all of the seniors and some of the Juniors found themselves in New York City, the concrete jungle where dreams were made of. Why? Well, they all had their different reasons. Jobs, love, a number of things. But in the case of some, such as one miss Rachel Berry, some where there to make it big. In fact, Rachel had been staring as Wendla in the new original play Spring Awakening both off and on Broadway for three years before moving onto something else. Despite what she had thought in high school and earlier years, however, taking over Broadway wasn’t as easy as she always imagined. No one feel to their knees at her feet, and she didn’t win over everyone like she always imagined she would. That’s what happened when she left Spring Awakening in favor of auditioning for the new revival of West Side Story. She had Maria in the bad, she honestly did, but the only thing she hadn’t counted on was the fact that her main competition had had a sexual relationship with the director in previous years.

Even though Maria should have been hers, Rachel was stuck being the understudy and part of the chorus, which Harmony shinned in the spot light every night. Even during times when Rachel had to take over for the younger girl, somehow Harmony was still the one who got the praise and everything. Finally, Harmony left the show, leaving Rachel the spot she had always wanted. The twist? Harmony left WSS to join as the new Wendla in Spring Awakening, the show Rachel had left previously. Unsure of how she felt over the whole situation, Rachel was left in the show feeling like she was unappreciated and second choice in everything. How couldn’t she? After all, despite the fact that she had to step in for Harmony numerous times, somehow it was the younger girl who always got the praise, and even now that she was gone, it felt like she was still getting the praise and recognition no matter what.

So. That’s basically where things left off with Rachel before I left the group. I have some ideas of how I’d like Puck to fit in, which will be bellow. They’re not set in stone, and they’re open to negotiation if interested!

Simple audition form:

Questions should be redirected to HERE, and the audition form sent HERE!

Rachel Berry’s looking for her badass sex shark!

Hi there! So I recently left a group due to not having anything to do with Rachel in it, but I honestly miss playing this character in this storyline. So! I’m looking to revive her, and preferably with a Noah Puckerman for a Puckleberry 1x1!

Interested? Read on:

Story: (Keep in mind I will be continuing my storyline for Rachel from my previous group, but it’s not so hard to catch up on.) Five years after graduation, just about all of the seniors and some of the Juniors found themselves in New York City, the concrete jungle where dreams were made of. Why? Well, they all had their different reasons. Jobs, love, a number of things. But in the case of some, such as one miss Rachel Berry, some where there to make it big. In fact, Rachel had been staring as Wendla in the new original play Spring Awakening both off and on Broadway for three years before moving onto something else. Despite what she had thought in high school and earlier years, however, taking over Broadway wasn’t as easy as she always imagined. No one feel to their knees at her feet, and she didn’t win over everyone like she always imagined she would. That’s what happened when she left Spring Awakening in favor of auditioning for the new revival of West Side Story. She had Maria in the bad, she honestly did, but the only thing she hadn’t counted on was the fact that her main competition had had a sexual relationship with the director in previous years.

Even though Maria should have been hers, Rachel was stuck being the understudy and part of the chorus, which Harmony shinned in the spot light every night. Even during times when Rachel had to take over for the younger girl, somehow Harmony was still the one who got the praise and everything. Finally, Harmony left the show, leaving Rachel the spot she had always wanted. The twist? Harmony left WSS to join as the new Wendla in Spring Awakening, the show Rachel had left previously. Unsure of how she felt over the whole situation, Rachel was left in the show feeling like she was unappreciated and second choice in everything. How couldn’t she? After all, despite the fact that she had to step in for Harmony numerous times, somehow it was the younger girl who always got the praise, and even now that she was gone, it felt like she was still getting the praise and recognition no matter what.

So. That’s basically where things left off with Rachel before I left the group. I have some ideas of how I’d like Puck to fit in, which will be bellow. They’re not set in stone, and they’re open to negotiation if interested!

Simple audition form:

Questions should be redirected to HERE, and the audition form sent HERE!

Rachel Berry is looking for her badass sex shark!

Hi there! So I recently left a group due to not having anything to do with Rachel in it, but I honestly miss playing this character in this storyline. So! I’m looking to revive her, and preferably with a Noah Puckerman for a Puckleberry 1x1!

Interested? Read on:

Story: (Keep in mind I will be continuing my storyline for Rachel from my previous group, but it’s not so hard to catch up on.) Five years after graduation, just about all of the seniors and some of the Juniors found themselves in New York City, the concrete jungle where dreams were made of. Why? Well, they all had their different reasons. Jobs, love, a number of things. But in the case of some, such as one miss Rachel Berry, some where there to make it big. In fact, Rachel had been staring as Wendla in the new original play Spring Awakening both off and on Broadway for three years before moving onto something else. Despite what she had thought in high school and earlier years, however, taking over Broadway wasn’t as easy as she always imagined. No one feel to their knees at her feet, and she didn’t win over everyone like she always imagined she would. That’s what happened when she left Spring Awakening in favor of auditioning for the new revival of West Side Story. She had Maria in the bad, she honestly did, but the only thing she hadn’t counted on was the fact that her main competition had had a sexual relationship with the director in previous years.

Even though Maria should have been hers, Rachel was stuck being the understudy and part of the chorus, which Harmony shinned in the spot light every night. Even during times when Rachel had to take over for the younger girl, somehow Harmony was still the one who got the praise and everything. Finally, Harmony left the show, leaving Rachel the spot she had always wanted. The twist? Harmony left WSS to join as the new Wendla in Spring Awakening, the show Rachel had left previously. Unsure of how she felt over the whole situation, Rachel was left in the show feeling like she was unappreciated and second choice in everything. How couldn’t she? After all, despite the fact that she had to step in for Harmony numerous times, somehow it was the younger girl who always got the praise, and even now that she was gone, it felt like she was still getting the praise and recognition no matter what.

So. That’s basically where things left off with Rachel before I left the group. I have some ideas of how I’d like Puck to fit in, which will be bellow. They’re not set in stone, and they’re open to negotiation if interested!

Simple audition form:

Questions should be redirected to HERE, and the audition form sent HERE!